Free to Be You

Kendall was an extremely difficult toddler - or maybe just the average toddler, but I have zero patience so her tantrums and her strong-willed personality seemed "difficult" to me. I remember trying to grocery shop and just hoping I could get through my list before all hell broke loose. And usually things would be fine right up to the time we got to the register. I remember one time a cashier actually stopped ringing our groceries and came around and told Kendall to sit down and be quiet! As if I hadn't thought of that. And another time at Target Kendall fell onto the floor kicking and screaming right at the front of the store. I had decided by this time to ignore her tantrums (and the stares) until she was finished with her fit. A woman walked by with three (well-behaved) children of her own and said "If you ever act like that, I'll beat your [fill in the blank]." I have very vivid memories of many instances like this when I thought - "what is wrong with my kid?" "why is she like this??" I took Kendall to the doctor when she was around 2.5 or 3, and she was acting wild and crazy and the doctor asked me if she was always like this and I replied "YES!". I was so happy a professional doctor was noticing how crazy she was. I knew he would help me! He would see that she clearly had a problem and give me one of those happy pills they give other children to make them sit and listen. YES, doctor, YES she is always like this - HELP ME!! He observed Kendall for a few more minutes and told me, "6, 7, 8 - she'll calm down." Write me a prescription....wait, what? She'll calm down 4 years from now? Is that what he was telling me? I remember leaving the doctor thinking that there was no way we were going to survive until 6, 7, 8 - either I was running away from home or I would be sending her to boarding school!

Fast forward four years - I haven't run away and Kendall is at regular school. We made it. I can't say Kendall has calmed down a whole lot, but I have to say the best part about Kendall is her WILD & CRAZY personality. And the thing I hear the most from people that interact with Kendall is how happy she is. One of her friend's mom's asked me yesterday if Kendall was always so upbeat and happy. I told her that she pretty much is. It's so funny because around 5 years old, you really get to see your child's personality come alive. And now that Kendall is 7, I can really start to see what kind of adult she is going to be. Kendall is the life of the party, she is pretty "happy go lucky", she loves to dance, sing, run and shake her booty. She is compassionate to others and helpful. And she wakes up every morning ready to face a new day with a smile (and usually some kind of made-up song). I would not change anything about her now. She is still as strong-willed as ever, but I love her "I won't take crap off anyone" personality. I think it will suite her well in our tough world. Yes, I would like it if she would talk back to me less, and sit while she eats dinner and actually listen when I tell her to do something, but I could not imagine the core of personality any other way.

Kendall has a friend with ADHD and is now taking medication to help her focus. This brought back the memory of Kendall at the pediatrician 5 years ago. When I was looking for a magic cure for my crazy child. It was interesting to spend time with a child pre-ADHD medication and post-ADHD medication - she was not the same child. I kept waiting for her wild and crazy antics to begin and they never did. Yes, she was calm, yes she was easy, but SHE was gone. Everything I loved about her personality was gone. I'm sure it was not an easy decision for her parents to make, and I'm sure they weighed out all the pros and cons and decided that medication was the best decision. So, I cannot judge. I have never truly been in that position. But, watching her I just couldn't help wonder what Kendall would have been like if that pediatrician 5 years ago had diagnosed Kendall with ADHD? What kind of child would I have today? I suppose I will never know, and I thank God that we did not have to make such a decision.

As parents we are faced with one difficult decision after another, and it seems like such a daunting task at times. How do you know what you're doing is right? You don't know what kind of child will come out 9 months later, nor are you guaranteed that all the hard work you put in will pay off. All I do know is that God gave me this gift, and while she is here, and while I am here, it is my responsibility to look after her. Every child is unique and there is no "normal", and I hope that every parent knows that no matter what they are going through with their child and no matter what obstacles or difficulties you are facing that another parent may not be facing, that these are gifts from God. Gifts that we do not own, but are simply looking after. We are essentially guardian angels of these sweet little creatures. I don't know the right and wrong way to raise a child - and I really don't want to know. I just know that I want Kendall to always know that she is loved and that she is free to be herself and express herself and accept all the parts of her that make her unique and special. If she can grow up knowing these things, than I will consider my job as her guardian angel a success.

Baby Book

I was cleaning out the garage last weekend and I came across one of those 'Baby's First Year' books and I got really excited for a moment - and then I realized I never filled out a single page of the book. And the guilt fell over me....just like it fell over me this afternoon when I realized that my last blog post was in AUGUST!! Kendall is getting more and more curious about her birth (specifically, how she got in my belly), what her first word was, if she cried a lot and what foods she liked as a baby. I know the answers to most these questions because, as Kendall would say, "duh, I was there", but I still feel bad that I don't have it written down in a book for her to read. And then came this blog....oh this blog that was supposed to be the miracle cure for the lack of photos that leave my camera and enter frames, for the lack of 'firsts' listed in the baby book and for the lack of photo albums and organized baby pictures! It is March 2nd, and the last post was in AUGUST....did I mention that already? So, what is my deal? Why don't I want to recapture my child's.....childhood?? I suppose I am just busy or tired or tired and busy, but I am recommitting myself to this blog. Two posts a month required....I know that's not alot, but I'm taking baby steps.....baby steps....Baby steps - oh, geez - the little stamp and paper kit where I was supposed to stamp her baby feet is empty too!

Kendall, here are some things things that occurred between September 2010 - February 2011:


September - You started playing softball and did great! Your team was almost undefeated!


October - You were a vampire princess for Halloween (sorry, I erased the pictures off my phone)

November - I'll have to get back to you on what happened in November.

December - Mommy got engaged! We rang in the New Year in Hilton Head! You started playing basketball.

January - You came in 4th place in the 1st grade spelling bee!

1st Grade

I don't remember who my first grade teacher was, but I remember my kindergarten and 5th grade teachers really well. I'm actually friends with my 5th grade teacher, Mr. Almon, on Facebook! Mr. Almon was my favorite teacher and I have very vivid memories of him. He lived across the street from our house and would come over for dinner on the weekends, we would go out for Mexican food and one night he called me and my mom and had us come outside to see Orion and some other constellations. At the time, it seemed perfectly normal that my teacher was kind of like family, but now looking back I can see how lucky I was to have a teacher that taught me inside and outside of the classroom. I don't think Mr. Almon will every really know how much he impacted my life. He taught me to love to read, to appreciate good flan and on a clear night, I can still find Orion. Fifth grade was a long time ago, but all of these things have stuck with me.

Kendall started first grade yesterday and she said it was the BEST day ever. She told me all about Mrs. Hopkins and how she used to be Mrs. Jackson, but she got married this summer and changed her last name. She told me about her rules and if you get too many tickets, you'll have to see the principal. And she told me that Mrs. Hopkins let them choose their own homework folder and that she is soooo nice. I was thrilled to hear that her first day went so well and that she liked her teacher. I wonder what Kendall will remember about Mrs. Hopkins 20 years from now. Will she be her favorite teacher? Will she do or say something that changes her life forever?

Disney World - 3 kids, 14 hours, 'nuff said

Kindergarten is Over?

We survived Kindergarten....barely. I was so not prepared for all the lunch packing, homework, parties, field day, bring a muffin, eat a muffin, mystery reader and parties galore! I plan to be way more prepared for 1st grade. Who I am kidding? There is no amount of preparation that can be done when you're a parent. The to-do list is endless, I spend so much time with my washing machine, I think we're dating and I'm certain my back will go out any day now since I spend at least 2 hours every night bending over to pick up whatever Kendall has thrown on the floor. So what exactly is the upside to parenting someone may ask? (that someone being me, of course). Well, everyday I get to learn something new from someone who has been in the world for only 6 short years. She reminds me to stop and be silly for no reason, to dance in the middle of the grocery store, to eat candy and not think about the calories and to smile even when I want to cry. And although I'm absolutely exhausted most days, and no amount of Starbucks will give me as much energy as my child has, I really cannot imagine my life without her in it. She gives me a reason to push through the tiredness, the exhaustion and the everyday stuff that is life. When I think about the idea that we, as mothers, "give life", it seems so ironic because Kendall really gave life to me, and I will be eternally grateful to God for giving me such a wonderful gift.

Our wonderful babysitter!!

Our carpool buddy!!


Kendall and her dad

Sunday Morning

Someone brought it to my attention that an update on this blog was way overdue. I won't mention any names like Cathleen ;-)

I had the best of intentions when I started this blog, but like everything else on my to-do list....well, it just stays on the list. Kendall woke me up at 7:30 this morning ready to make blueberry muffins. I do not know where this child gets her energy. It seems like I'm getting less and less energy everyday. So now we're eating blueberry muffins, I'm updating this blog and Kendall is coloring Tiana (princess & the frog) with color wonder markers. This is what I call a perfect Sunday morning. I don't get them every often since I enrolled in co-parenting 3 years ago and I realize that I don't savor my 2 weekends with Kendall enough. Usually I'd be running around this morning tackling that infamous to-do list. But it seems like the older Kendall gets (and the older I get), I realize how few of these Sunday mornings I have left. Kendall will be SIX on Saturday - I can't really wrap my mind around that. Six years ago this child came home with us and all I remember thinking at that time is when, when, when. When will she stop crying all the time; when will she walk; when will she talk. And now I want to know when time will stop!

Yesterday I had our pictures taken (after realizing that I've never had professional photos of the two of us) and Kendall couldn't figure out why we were having our pictures taken. I told her that I wanted pictures to remember her when she leaves home and goes off to college. She told me she was never leaving home and if she did she would buy me house near her college. It's so sweet that she thinks this is all life has to offer - her family, school and playing - and I think I'll let her keep thinking that for as long as possible.

Christmas 2009

Turkey Feast

Kendall & Nana

Kendall & her friend Anna

Kendall had a yummy turkey feast at her school last Thursday. She stood up and said her name and that she is thankful for her family - so cute!! And an odd coincidence since someone in her family almost got wiped out in a car wreck not even 9 hours later! I'm thankful to have survived the wreck with very minimal injuries and given another day to spend with my beautiful little girl. Happy Thanksgiving!!