Kendall was an extremely difficult toddler - or maybe just the average toddler, but I have zero patience so her tantrums and her strong-willed personality seemed "difficult" to me. I remember trying to grocery shop and just hoping I could get through my list before all hell broke loose. And usually things would be fine right up to the time we got to the register. I remember one time a cashier actually stopped ringing our groceries and came around and told Kendall to sit down and be quiet! As if I hadn't thought of that. And another time at Target Kendall fell onto the floor kicking and screaming right at the front of the store. I had decided by this time to ignore her tantrums (and the stares) until she was finished with her fit. A woman walked by with three (well-behaved) children of her own and said "If you ever act like that, I'll beat your [fill in the blank]." I have very vivid memories of many instances like this when I thought - "what is wrong with my kid?" "why is she like this??" I took Kendall to the doctor when she was around 2.5 or 3, and she was acting wild and crazy and the doctor asked me if she was always like this and I replied "YES!". I was so happy a professional doctor was noticing how crazy she was. I knew he would help me! He would see that she clearly had a problem and give me one of those happy pills they give other children to make them sit and listen. YES, doctor, YES she is always like this - HELP ME!! He observed Kendall for a few more minutes and told me, "6, 7, 8 - she'll calm down." Write me a prescription....wait, what? She'll calm down 4 years from now? Is that what he was telling me? I remember leaving the doctor thinking that there was no way we were going to survive until 6, 7, 8 - either I was running away from home or I would be sending her to boarding school!
Fast forward four years - I haven't run away and Kendall is at regular school. We made it. I can't say Kendall has calmed down a whole lot, but I have to say the best part about Kendall is her WILD & CRAZY personality. And the thing I hear the most from people that interact with Kendall is how happy she is. One of her friend's mom's asked me yesterday if Kendall was always so upbeat and happy. I told her that she pretty much is. It's so funny because around 5 years old, you really get to see your child's personality come alive. And now that Kendall is 7, I can really start to see what kind of adult she is going to be. Kendall is the life of the party, she is pretty "happy go lucky", she loves to dance, sing, run and shake her booty. She is compassionate to others and helpful. And she wakes up every morning ready to face a new day with a smile (and usually some kind of made-up song). I would not change anything about her now. She is still as strong-willed as ever, but I love her "I won't take crap off anyone" personality. I think it will suite her well in our tough world. Yes, I would like it if she would talk back to me less, and sit while she eats dinner and actually listen when I tell her to do something, but I could not imagine the core of personality any other way.
Kendall has a friend with ADHD and is now taking medication to help her focus. This brought back the memory of Kendall at the pediatrician 5 years ago. When I was looking for a magic cure for my crazy child. It was interesting to spend time with a child pre-ADHD medication and post-ADHD medication - she was not the same child. I kept waiting for her wild and crazy antics to begin and they never did. Yes, she was calm, yes she was easy, but SHE was gone. Everything I loved about her personality was gone. I'm sure it was not an easy decision for her parents to make, and I'm sure they weighed out all the pros and cons and decided that medication was the best decision. So, I cannot judge. I have never truly been in that position. But, watching her I just couldn't help wonder what Kendall would have been like if that pediatrician 5 years ago had diagnosed Kendall with ADHD? What kind of child would I have today? I suppose I will never know, and I thank God that we did not have to make such a decision.
As parents we are faced with one difficult decision after another, and it seems like such a daunting task at times. How do you know what you're doing is right? You don't know what kind of child will come out 9 months later, nor are you guaranteed that all the hard work you put in will pay off. All I do know is that God gave me this gift, and while she is here, and while I am here, it is my responsibility to look after her. Every child is unique and there is no "normal", and I hope that every parent knows that no matter what they are going through with their child and no matter what obstacles or difficulties you are facing that another parent may not be facing, that these are gifts from God. Gifts that we do not own, but are simply looking after. We are essentially guardian angels of these sweet little creatures. I don't know the right and wrong way to raise a child - and I really don't want to know. I just know that I want Kendall to always know that she is loved and that she is free to be herself and express herself and accept all the parts of her that make her unique and special. If she can grow up knowing these things, than I will consider my job as her guardian angel a success.
